Conversations Are Difficult

OK, we all have awkward conversations occasionally- maybe the need to tell someone something is there so the topic might carefully be avoided; it is a lot easier than getting a fist in your face!
Apart from a very few people, all my conversations are difficult. Thinking, speaking, being aware of body language and social rules, maybe being in an unfamiliar situation or on an uncomfortable sofa, it all takes so much out of me that I can flake after 30 minutes.
Simply mentioning the fact that I use a wheelchair or that I finally had a breakthrough with the disability benefit, can bring up a whole plethora of difficulty; in some conversations it would just pass on by, but with others it becomes a whole new issue. Explaining, defending, becoming personally disbelieved or degraded. These conversations are few and far between but they happen none the less and when they do I can be put down energy-wise for days at a time.
More recently just socialising more than two or three days in a week has been my problem. Oh, an hour for a cup of tea will be fine, but when it lasts longer because we need to see each other and want to catch up it can also become exhausting. I attempted this a few weeks ago. I loved seeing them and wanted to catch up so desperately that I let the time go by, continued talking and I'm shot for the next few hours.
I also have a husband to converse with every day; peace and quiet doesn't enter the house for more than a few hours at a time. Having him there is so much more of a blessing, but some days I have to stick metaphorical gaffer tape over his mouth as I just can't concentrate on another conversation.
Just a knock on the door out of the blue, as simple as the gas network needing to service the meter, adds to the confusion. Something being delivered which takes more than five minutes of conversation to sign the right pieces of paper and get whatever it is actually off the van and in the house. All these things add up and yet again my conversation has been and gone for the day.
Another thing which needs more monitoring. I have to do it so carefully though as more monitoring can lead to more worry, confusion and anxiety- the very things I am trying to eliminate from my life. Re-integration into the big wide world of health is all very well, I just wish sometimes it could happen overnight!