Walking Boundaries

I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to choose the right boundaries.
I am learning as the months go by that my recovery has to be decided by me. My physical limitations have to be stretched and pushed... but only so far and within good boundaries.
Where and when I decide to stretch those boundaries is probably just as important too. Going for a walk started with meditations around the garden, then walking, with my husband, where no one knew us, on flat ground, with a wheelchair in the car if I needed it. I wasn't panicking or being overly cautious, I was just aware of my needs and stretched them accordingly.
So where this happened was important. Being in a place where I was unlikely to come across friends was important. Friends can be the most understanding but can also decide to imagine the best and be incredibly positive ("wow you're walking, how about we go shopping together next week, or I bring my children round to see you for the afternoon!"). Also they can start worrying and suggesting the worst ("Why are you walking, you should sit down, do you want to lean on my arm, you are silly for doing this, I could have got you anything you need!").
So positive and negative input could be found, but I had gone out knowing that it was the right time and place to do this. I needed this input from my own head, rather than anyone else's. Also meeting people who want to chat and ask how you are when you're taking steps outside for the first time in many months is not going to help!

When I stretch these boundaries has proved important too. I first walked outside  as described above in a town centre... but late on a Sunday afternoon. Shops were quiet, people traffic was very low and the pedestrianised high street meant that I had no standing and waiting while vehicles went past. I have done the same as I started walking alone from the front door. I was doing walking meditations from my doorstep and short walks around the block now when there is less chance of meeting people.
One mistake I made this morning was walking to the doctor's surgery because I had to. I should have asked for a lift. Doing things because they have to be done at a certain time on a certain day is just not realistic. I know I have to do what my body wants to do, when it wants to do it. And if that means missing out or doing less than I hoped I know it is for the best.
I'm happy to know that I am doing well with my boundaries as they give me the chance to recover at my pace and not anyone else's