I am hibernating again. Probably due to last week's Now What? crisis.
Waking up is the most difficult thing. As my eyelids start to fight, (I know it's time to wake up, I'm feeling hungry- they may not quite agree!) my mind realises what is going on. "Oh crikey, one of Those days again. Be positive, stay optimistic, you'll get through, you have before. Why should the rest of the day feel the same as it does now" The problem is that the evidence is there. My limbs are limp. They don't want to move. Getting out of bed is usually an effort, but today is even more so. Without wanting to predict the future and be totally pessimistic a day started like this is unlikely to continue much better. I know if I don't get some kind of routine in before breakfast my day will feel even worse. Usually I have bathroom, dressed, yoga, meditation, breakfast.
This morning to help me out of bed and from the advice of my yoga teacher, I did yoga in bed first. Staying lying down to start with; watching my breathing; then just moving my legs a bit with my breath; sitting up and bending over so my head was lower than my heart and finally stretching out my arms and neck. All with the flow of my breath, so I felt more able to actually remove myself from the bed and get started.
My next thought was to eat breakfast and make it as painless as possible. Muffin, yoghurt and organic decaf coffee (it may not have the kick, but psychologically it tastes the same, so must have the same effect!).
Sitting here at the kitchen table with the iPad and keyboard I am now still feeling limp. My shoulders are slouching, although thanks to all that yoga practice, they are slouching backwards rather than forwards! My neck is having issues with keeping my head upright and my eyelids are still fighting! I have my legs up on another chair, I'm wearing thick socks, other than wearing them and a cardigan I haven't changed out of my pyjamas and have a cushion supporting my lower back. I'm feeling very sorry for myself.
Why am I sitting here rather than in bed? I realise that I must at least prove to myself that I am better than I was 6 months ago. I am typing, that is a big thing. I am sitting in a chair. I am enjoying the view from the kitchen window.
One day this week I will wake up and feel lighter, removing myself from the bed will not be such a hard task and my morning routine will get closer to my ideal. So I need to be kind to myself today, maybe tomorrow, maybe for the rest of the week. Thinking about how long it might last does not help, I have to stay in the moment and fill my time, as much as I can, with comfort- audio books, Pride and Prejudice, Sleepless In Seattle, also knitting and playing patience, if I can. I also intend to ring a couple of friends to fill the time and to hear another voice.- I'm welling up already!
Showing posts with label hibernation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hibernation. Show all posts
Monday, 18 June 2012
Monday, 28 May 2012
Hot Weather
No thanks!
I find it so difficult to get through a hot or cold day. This last week with blue skies, humid weather and temperatures reaching 27 Celsius has been difficult. It has been part of the reason for me having regular naps over the weekend and feeling particularly drained of all energy. My OH and I have not left the house, other than to visit neighbours. I have also spent more time in bed as the rest of the house heats up quite quickly during the day and I don't have the energy to sit upright in the kitchen or living room.
"It is not that hot", some of you may be saying! For so many years the sun has caught me unawares, I have thought I'll be alright and then I have had a hibernation in order to cope with it. Trying to compensate activity with weather extremes is difficult- how much energy does a warm day take from me; enough so I shouldn't fill the washing machine, or so that I shouldn't have any friends round and mustn't do any reading?! With this weekend hibernation has come a dreadful lethargy so The Chelsea Flower Show has been my friend on television- I have been enjoying everyone else's gardens!
Last week before the heat really set in I did manage to spend some time in the garden though. By sitting on my lounger with a large garden parasol for shade and a cool breeze actually making me more comfortable than I would have been in the house, I enjoyed the warmer weather. But indoors was uncomfortable as was any part of the garden without shade or breeze! Sitting in the car to leave the house was excruciating, so it was not attempted! We were hoping to go to a garden centre yesterday and pick out a new lawn mower- looks like that might be another internet job!
Why does the heat make me so lethargic? I wish I knew! I sit with the window open, but only when it's shaded. I also use an electric fan at home, but there is not much I can do other than take a bottle of water when I leave the house in the warmer weather. I wear layers, have a fan in my bag, avoid the direct sunlight and look forward to an 18-21 Celsius weather forecast.
I suppose I might appear to have that habit of being British; moaning about the weather, but I love it too. The garden flourishes, birds sing all day long outside my window, we're not constantly dodging the showers if we leave the house and there is less washing to do with t-shirts and linen trousers rather than jumpers, shirts, jeans and long johns!
I find it so difficult to get through a hot or cold day. This last week with blue skies, humid weather and temperatures reaching 27 Celsius has been difficult. It has been part of the reason for me having regular naps over the weekend and feeling particularly drained of all energy. My OH and I have not left the house, other than to visit neighbours. I have also spent more time in bed as the rest of the house heats up quite quickly during the day and I don't have the energy to sit upright in the kitchen or living room.
"It is not that hot", some of you may be saying! For so many years the sun has caught me unawares, I have thought I'll be alright and then I have had a hibernation in order to cope with it. Trying to compensate activity with weather extremes is difficult- how much energy does a warm day take from me; enough so I shouldn't fill the washing machine, or so that I shouldn't have any friends round and mustn't do any reading?! With this weekend hibernation has come a dreadful lethargy so The Chelsea Flower Show has been my friend on television- I have been enjoying everyone else's gardens!
Last week before the heat really set in I did manage to spend some time in the garden though. By sitting on my lounger with a large garden parasol for shade and a cool breeze actually making me more comfortable than I would have been in the house, I enjoyed the warmer weather. But indoors was uncomfortable as was any part of the garden without shade or breeze! Sitting in the car to leave the house was excruciating, so it was not attempted! We were hoping to go to a garden centre yesterday and pick out a new lawn mower- looks like that might be another internet job!
Why does the heat make me so lethargic? I wish I knew! I sit with the window open, but only when it's shaded. I also use an electric fan at home, but there is not much I can do other than take a bottle of water when I leave the house in the warmer weather. I wear layers, have a fan in my bag, avoid the direct sunlight and look forward to an 18-21 Celsius weather forecast.
I suppose I might appear to have that habit of being British; moaning about the weather, but I love it too. The garden flourishes, birds sing all day long outside my window, we're not constantly dodging the showers if we leave the house and there is less washing to do with t-shirts and linen trousers rather than jumpers, shirts, jeans and long johns!
Friday, 25 May 2012
The Simplest Things...
...Can lead to a few bad days. Or as I prefer to call them hibernation, or not-so-good days.
Hibernation can come about for just a few hours, a couple of days or a few weeks or months. It can be a result of many things. Firstly by overdoing it. Overdoing it, I have mentioned before. It can be seen as a failure, a desire for more when more is just not possible. By fulfilling that desire, hibernation is the result. It can be agreeing to lunch with a friend when you know that bed should really be a more sensible option for the rest of the day, or not cancelling an arrangement because it has been a guiding light for weeks in advance. Sometimes it is actually worth fulfilling that desire or arrangement and as an ME patient that is the personal decision that has to be made. It can bring happy memories- glimpses- for weeks to come, or it can bring about guilt, shame, disappointment and regret. It is learning to accept the result which can shorten the required rest time. This type of hibernation can also be brought about by impulsiveness. I can be impulsive. I expect many people can be. To please a friend or make life easier for myself I will choose impulsiveness over sensibility. It works most times; other times I have to pick myself up, dust myself down (hibernate for a short while!) and start all over again!
Another simple thing can be an unexpected burden. Cognitive activity should not be underestimated in this illness. An unforeseen financial or family situation can use up a lot of energy and bring about hibernation. The main reason for this is the increased insomnia that is brought about (for many sufferers insomnia is a daily symptom). We all have nights when tossing and turning is brought on by thoughts and burdens. For an ME patient this coming on top of non-restorative daytime rest just creates further symptoms such as headaches, migraines, increased pain elsewhere in the body and cognitive confusion beyond belief.
One more simple thing to mention is infections and viruses. The immune system is working overtime in an ME sufferer so an infection of the slightest degree will be fought as soon as looked at and all the energy the body has will go towards this fight. In some cases it is in dysfunction to the other extreme so that colds and flus bring on worse regular symptoms- runny nose, temperature, coughs and indigestion. In both extremes another hibernation is induced. This is unpredictable, totally devastating and most definitely a reason for longer-term hibernation.
We have to accept these interruptions in our road to recovery and even in our darkest stability months and years. The simplest things can lengthen our illness, but they are very difficult to avoid.
Hibernation can come about for just a few hours, a couple of days or a few weeks or months. It can be a result of many things. Firstly by overdoing it. Overdoing it, I have mentioned before. It can be seen as a failure, a desire for more when more is just not possible. By fulfilling that desire, hibernation is the result. It can be agreeing to lunch with a friend when you know that bed should really be a more sensible option for the rest of the day, or not cancelling an arrangement because it has been a guiding light for weeks in advance. Sometimes it is actually worth fulfilling that desire or arrangement and as an ME patient that is the personal decision that has to be made. It can bring happy memories- glimpses- for weeks to come, or it can bring about guilt, shame, disappointment and regret. It is learning to accept the result which can shorten the required rest time. This type of hibernation can also be brought about by impulsiveness. I can be impulsive. I expect many people can be. To please a friend or make life easier for myself I will choose impulsiveness over sensibility. It works most times; other times I have to pick myself up, dust myself down (hibernate for a short while!) and start all over again!
Another simple thing can be an unexpected burden. Cognitive activity should not be underestimated in this illness. An unforeseen financial or family situation can use up a lot of energy and bring about hibernation. The main reason for this is the increased insomnia that is brought about (for many sufferers insomnia is a daily symptom). We all have nights when tossing and turning is brought on by thoughts and burdens. For an ME patient this coming on top of non-restorative daytime rest just creates further symptoms such as headaches, migraines, increased pain elsewhere in the body and cognitive confusion beyond belief.
One more simple thing to mention is infections and viruses. The immune system is working overtime in an ME sufferer so an infection of the slightest degree will be fought as soon as looked at and all the energy the body has will go towards this fight. In some cases it is in dysfunction to the other extreme so that colds and flus bring on worse regular symptoms- runny nose, temperature, coughs and indigestion. In both extremes another hibernation is induced. This is unpredictable, totally devastating and most definitely a reason for longer-term hibernation.
We have to accept these interruptions in our road to recovery and even in our darkest stability months and years. The simplest things can lengthen our illness, but they are very difficult to avoid.
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