How simple can that be? I went for a walk this morning. It was freezing cold, literally, about one degree Celsius. My gloves have holes in them (for a knitter that is kind of embarrassing, I should be knitting my own replacements, not waiting until I find them in a shop!) My two pairs of leggings under my jeans kept me cosy, my various tops and jumpers, hat, scarf and cosy coat kept me warm. But how do I walk?
I began walking again last year. With limited distance goals, after just doing laps of the garden, I began going about one hundred and fifty paces, then back again. Which took me about two houses down the road. As the weeks went by I increased the distance, not going two days in a row, and only going when I felt well enough during the day. If I felt dizzy, nauseas or tired I stayed home. By the end of the summer, about six months down the road, I could go round the block two or three times during a good week.
Today I donned my warm layers and headed out, with a rucksack! It was a first time experiment to see if I could manage it and it seemed to work alright. It contained pretty much nothing, but I could carry it. Yeah! I've had things in my pockets before, but never a load on my back. Shopping was my downfall when I tried to walk again four years ago. I failed miserably by taking my purse out with me and thinking I could fill up the fridge with bargains by carrying bag loads home from the local shop. As I said it was a failure. It was one of the things that turned my return to walking into a return to the wheelchair yet again. I am still using the wheelchair, when I'm going a further distance, when I've been using my legs for other things during the day, such as standing in the kitchen or a standing yoga lesson or when I've walked the previous day and am feeling it! It's all about moderation and giving myself time to prepare for any advances.
As far as the process of walking step by step goes, I have a new focus. This came from a walking meditation I learnt last summer. Breathing slowly and feeling each pace. Walking before meant getting somewhere without falling over. It now means finding a view to enjoy, while I decide on my destination. I admire the highest point on the horizon, forget about where I'm going and just enjoy the journey.
Showing posts with label Walking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Walking. Show all posts
Monday, 25 February 2013
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Walking Boundaries
I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to choose the right boundaries.
I am learning as the months go by that my recovery has to be decided by me. My physical limitations have to be stretched and pushed... but only so far and within good boundaries.
Where and when I decide to stretch those boundaries is probably just as important too. Going for a walk started with meditations around the garden, then walking, with my husband, where no one knew us, on flat ground, with a wheelchair in the car if I needed it. I wasn't panicking or being overly cautious, I was just aware of my needs and stretched them accordingly.
So where this happened was important. Being in a place where I was unlikely to come across friends was important. Friends can be the most understanding but can also decide to imagine the best and be incredibly positive ("wow you're walking, how about we go shopping together next week, or I bring my children round to see you for the afternoon!"). Also they can start worrying and suggesting the worst ("Why are you walking, you should sit down, do you want to lean on my arm, you are silly for doing this, I could have got you anything you need!").
So positive and negative input could be found, but I had gone out knowing that it was the right time and place to do this. I needed this input from my own head, rather than anyone else's. Also meeting people who want to chat and ask how you are when you're taking steps outside for the first time in many months is not going to help!
When I stretch these boundaries has proved important too. I first walked outside as described above in a town centre... but late on a Sunday afternoon. Shops were quiet, people traffic was very low and the pedestrianised high street meant that I had no standing and waiting while vehicles went past. I have done the same as I started walking alone from the front door. I was doing walking meditations from my doorstep and short walks around the block now when there is less chance of meeting people.
One mistake I made this morning was walking to the doctor's surgery because I had to. I should have asked for a lift. Doing things because they have to be done at a certain time on a certain day is just not realistic. I know I have to do what my body wants to do, when it wants to do it. And if that means missing out or doing less than I hoped I know it is for the best.
I'm happy to know that I am doing well with my boundaries as they give me the chance to recover at my pace and not anyone else's
I am learning as the months go by that my recovery has to be decided by me. My physical limitations have to be stretched and pushed... but only so far and within good boundaries.
Where and when I decide to stretch those boundaries is probably just as important too. Going for a walk started with meditations around the garden, then walking, with my husband, where no one knew us, on flat ground, with a wheelchair in the car if I needed it. I wasn't panicking or being overly cautious, I was just aware of my needs and stretched them accordingly.
So where this happened was important. Being in a place where I was unlikely to come across friends was important. Friends can be the most understanding but can also decide to imagine the best and be incredibly positive ("wow you're walking, how about we go shopping together next week, or I bring my children round to see you for the afternoon!"). Also they can start worrying and suggesting the worst ("Why are you walking, you should sit down, do you want to lean on my arm, you are silly for doing this, I could have got you anything you need!").
So positive and negative input could be found, but I had gone out knowing that it was the right time and place to do this. I needed this input from my own head, rather than anyone else's. Also meeting people who want to chat and ask how you are when you're taking steps outside for the first time in many months is not going to help!
When I stretch these boundaries has proved important too. I first walked outside as described above in a town centre... but late on a Sunday afternoon. Shops were quiet, people traffic was very low and the pedestrianised high street meant that I had no standing and waiting while vehicles went past. I have done the same as I started walking alone from the front door. I was doing walking meditations from my doorstep and short walks around the block now when there is less chance of meeting people.
One mistake I made this morning was walking to the doctor's surgery because I had to. I should have asked for a lift. Doing things because they have to be done at a certain time on a certain day is just not realistic. I know I have to do what my body wants to do, when it wants to do it. And if that means missing out or doing less than I hoped I know it is for the best.
I'm happy to know that I am doing well with my boundaries as they give me the chance to recover at my pace and not anyone else's
Thursday, 9 August 2012
A Day Off!
This is an interesting piece. Yesterday was my first day without posting a blog page for over three months! and some days I have posted two...
So what happened?
Some weeks I sit and write three, four, or five blog pages at a time. In an hour I have enough writing capacity to actually do that much. I may have been jotting down titles and thoughts for the previous few days and then it all comes out at once.
For the last few weeks, since we went on holiday, I have not managed that. It has all happened sitting in bed, on the sofa, bits and pieces here and there. Why? I know the energy hasn't been there in quite the same way. I started to walk on holiday and have tried to keep it up. Two or three days a week, since then, I have managed a five minute walk out of doors. This morning I did a five minute walk followed by a sit down, followed by a five minute walk back home. I had been scared to do that before, thinking I might not be able to get up again after sitting down! (so often in the past I have had to rely on others to get me back home after my body failed to achieve it for me!)
So has this been a bad thing or just the only thing that has kept me going?
On the bad side I have not managed much in the form of yoga exercise. I come to the mat and the longer sessions just don't happen like they used to. I am not managing 45-50 minutes session every day, just maybe once or twice a week. My hope is that I find a steady rhythm that allows me to have regular daily movement, which isn't punctuated by the breakdown, the crash, the disappointment of exhausted days.
This has me confused and wary. When I started the regular activity, after a couple of months of complete rest, at the beginning of the year I was doing 5 minutes every day, which has slowly built up. I'm trying to piece together where I am, how I'm doing and trying to concentrate on the moment to moment improvements, as well as the month to month improvements.
I think the only solution is to wait and see. If nothing has changed in a few weeks time I will know something is going wrong and might stop walking intermittently and concentrate on finding a better flow, or I might notice that the active yoga has improved and the day to day activity flows between walking and yoga asanas quite well.
This is a confusing situation I've found myself in for the last 24 years. Finding a different way round yet again must be a good thing and using the information I now have at my fingertips to guide that, is a good thing. I am trying to recreate the recoveries that have come before me but doing it in a way that is right for me.
Excuse me if I start missing days, if I find I can start using my head and arms for different things other than thinking about and writing blog posts it will be so nice to start doing them and abandon you instead! Be aware I will not leave you, just take a break now and then and probably have some useful insights to tell when I do return.
So what happened?
Some weeks I sit and write three, four, or five blog pages at a time. In an hour I have enough writing capacity to actually do that much. I may have been jotting down titles and thoughts for the previous few days and then it all comes out at once.
For the last few weeks, since we went on holiday, I have not managed that. It has all happened sitting in bed, on the sofa, bits and pieces here and there. Why? I know the energy hasn't been there in quite the same way. I started to walk on holiday and have tried to keep it up. Two or three days a week, since then, I have managed a five minute walk out of doors. This morning I did a five minute walk followed by a sit down, followed by a five minute walk back home. I had been scared to do that before, thinking I might not be able to get up again after sitting down! (so often in the past I have had to rely on others to get me back home after my body failed to achieve it for me!)
So has this been a bad thing or just the only thing that has kept me going?
On the bad side I have not managed much in the form of yoga exercise. I come to the mat and the longer sessions just don't happen like they used to. I am not managing 45-50 minutes session every day, just maybe once or twice a week. My hope is that I find a steady rhythm that allows me to have regular daily movement, which isn't punctuated by the breakdown, the crash, the disappointment of exhausted days.
This has me confused and wary. When I started the regular activity, after a couple of months of complete rest, at the beginning of the year I was doing 5 minutes every day, which has slowly built up. I'm trying to piece together where I am, how I'm doing and trying to concentrate on the moment to moment improvements, as well as the month to month improvements.
I think the only solution is to wait and see. If nothing has changed in a few weeks time I will know something is going wrong and might stop walking intermittently and concentrate on finding a better flow, or I might notice that the active yoga has improved and the day to day activity flows between walking and yoga asanas quite well.
This is a confusing situation I've found myself in for the last 24 years. Finding a different way round yet again must be a good thing and using the information I now have at my fingertips to guide that, is a good thing. I am trying to recreate the recoveries that have come before me but doing it in a way that is right for me.
Excuse me if I start missing days, if I find I can start using my head and arms for different things other than thinking about and writing blog posts it will be so nice to start doing them and abandon you instead! Be aware I will not leave you, just take a break now and then and probably have some useful insights to tell when I do return.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
When Will I Be Walking Again?
A friend asked me this question recently and I was kind of flummoxed as I don't see it as a priority. The one thing that might push that part of my recovery is that it is my husband who pushes the wheelchair when we go shopping, or even for a short 'walk'(!). I would like to stop using the wheelchair and have more control when I leave the house, but as I say it is not a priority.
I am using my legs around the house, but if I use a pedometer to count my steps during the day, I am still only doing 800-1400 over 24 hours. This needs to increase and I need to lengthen my standing times between rests, before I can walk for anything more than a couple of minutes outside.
My physical energy is used in so many ways. If I was to still ask someone else to continue the cooking, someone to carry me into the garden if I wanted to sit in the shade on a sunny day, maybe also fetch and carry items around the house at my beck and call, then I might be walking 500 yards every day. I use energy in so many ways; when eating, getting dressed, making scrambled egg or a frozen, pre-chopped vegetable based curry! Also when filling my day with time passing activities; knitting, playing patience, doing jigsaws, reading, writing. The one thing I must mention is that energy is needed in this time to heal the body too. De-conditioned muscle needs time and energy to heal, more than a daily night's sleep will give.
Also my legs need practice walking. I am stretching my hamstrings in yoga, in putting a couple of plates in the dishwasher. My hip joints stiffen at the slightest weight bearing and more than a couple of minutes standing still. My yoga exercises are important, by sitting cross-legged, bearing my own body weight and stretching the spine.
Moving around the house will increase as the days, weeks and months go by. When this is nearer normal, or acceptable levels I will start to move about outside. I have had too many experiences over the years of walking around outside only to come home and collapse in an exhausted heap. During these times I have relied so much on others for day-to-day living needs. I am searching for a life where I can function inside and out of the house. Showing others that I can use my legs is not a priority; my priority is feeding myself, washing myself, dressing myself, enjoying hobbies and daily life. Once I have achieved that, I will encourage the outside world to enter into my life again and I will start to explore the one hobby I do still crave; going for quiet, peaceful, adventure-filled walks. (Oxymoron intended!)
I am using my legs around the house, but if I use a pedometer to count my steps during the day, I am still only doing 800-1400 over 24 hours. This needs to increase and I need to lengthen my standing times between rests, before I can walk for anything more than a couple of minutes outside.
My physical energy is used in so many ways. If I was to still ask someone else to continue the cooking, someone to carry me into the garden if I wanted to sit in the shade on a sunny day, maybe also fetch and carry items around the house at my beck and call, then I might be walking 500 yards every day. I use energy in so many ways; when eating, getting dressed, making scrambled egg or a frozen, pre-chopped vegetable based curry! Also when filling my day with time passing activities; knitting, playing patience, doing jigsaws, reading, writing. The one thing I must mention is that energy is needed in this time to heal the body too. De-conditioned muscle needs time and energy to heal, more than a daily night's sleep will give.
Also my legs need practice walking. I am stretching my hamstrings in yoga, in putting a couple of plates in the dishwasher. My hip joints stiffen at the slightest weight bearing and more than a couple of minutes standing still. My yoga exercises are important, by sitting cross-legged, bearing my own body weight and stretching the spine.
Moving around the house will increase as the days, weeks and months go by. When this is nearer normal, or acceptable levels I will start to move about outside. I have had too many experiences over the years of walking around outside only to come home and collapse in an exhausted heap. During these times I have relied so much on others for day-to-day living needs. I am searching for a life where I can function inside and out of the house. Showing others that I can use my legs is not a priority; my priority is feeding myself, washing myself, dressing myself, enjoying hobbies and daily life. Once I have achieved that, I will encourage the outside world to enter into my life again and I will start to explore the one hobby I do still crave; going for quiet, peaceful, adventure-filled walks. (Oxymoron intended!)
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