Is the greatest love of all.
I have been listening to two ME specialists today. Both of whom mentioned how important trusting, believing in and loving yourself can be on this sort of path. It is not something we have a lot from doctors or even some of our closest friends or family when we have this illness. So knowing that we are doing the right thing by believing in recovery is essential.
If a bit of loving kindness means listening to my body and resting one day, without despair and a feeling of failure, I have achieved something.
If loving myself is showing how important I am with a piece of cake as a treat, without guilt and dread of consequences, then I am doing the right thing.
If loving myself is taking a nutritious green drink, meeting my yoga mat every morning and meditating before a peaceful sleep, then I am following the right path.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. (Link)
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Monday, 6 August 2012
Dream Number Three
I am walking!
Every Sunday afternoon, on holiday, two or three evenings a week, because I want to walk. I walk to see the joy around me, the nature, the wildlife. My husband has an amazing memory, knows butterflies and moths, insects and spiders (not personally, just enough to identify the species!)
To put on a thick waterproof coat and hiking boots, a rucksack with flask and gloves and know I can go out with the intention of coming back on my feet will be amazing. The thought that I might want a warm shower, or a collapse on the sofa, but not create exhaustion and pain for three days to follow will be even more amazing.
I have always loved walking, as you may remember from another post.(link) The feeling of fresh air in my lungs, freedom and a chance for solitude. Walking to get groceries is something totally different. Where I live this cannot be done without seeing someone to stop and have a chat, smiling and saying "good morning". As nice as that may be, solitude with exercise is definitely necessary. As much as this can be achieved in the garden, thought needn't go into a familiar walk other than finding your way home, or missing knee-deep puddles! I love the fact that as soon as you get home it is over- as soon as it is over, you get home. No changing in the gym, driving or getting the bus home. A walk is a walk, is a walk.
Every Sunday afternoon, on holiday, two or three evenings a week, because I want to walk. I walk to see the joy around me, the nature, the wildlife. My husband has an amazing memory, knows butterflies and moths, insects and spiders (not personally, just enough to identify the species!)
To put on a thick waterproof coat and hiking boots, a rucksack with flask and gloves and know I can go out with the intention of coming back on my feet will be amazing. The thought that I might want a warm shower, or a collapse on the sofa, but not create exhaustion and pain for three days to follow will be even more amazing.
I have always loved walking, as you may remember from another post.(link) The feeling of fresh air in my lungs, freedom and a chance for solitude. Walking to get groceries is something totally different. Where I live this cannot be done without seeing someone to stop and have a chat, smiling and saying "good morning". As nice as that may be, solitude with exercise is definitely necessary. As much as this can be achieved in the garden, thought needn't go into a familiar walk other than finding your way home, or missing knee-deep puddles! I love the fact that as soon as you get home it is over- as soon as it is over, you get home. No changing in the gym, driving or getting the bus home. A walk is a walk, is a walk.
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Going For Gold
Mo Farah
Jessica Ennis
Greg Rutherford
Super Saturday it was. Disregarding the other medals for the moment I have always been a massive fan of Athletics. I remember watching Daley Thompson, Seb Coe, Steve Ovett, Steve Cram, Fatima Whitbread, Carl Lewis, Colin Jackson, and on, and on, and on through the years.
Last night I shared it with a friend on the phone. We watched Jess finish the heptathlon- I had seen all of her events over the last two days and my Saturday evening was planned with the culmination of that at Mo Farah's 10,000 metres. Considering I find 100 metres quite an effort at the moment I had quite a salute for him.
I loved the sound of the crowd and singing the National Anthem for Jess was amazing. I didn't sing, I just wanted to listen. Never heard anything like it. The sound was obviously contained much more in the stadium than it had been in The Mall at the Jubilee concert, so it was so uplifting.
In the rowing I think Helen glover's story hits me the strongest. Becoming an Olympic champion after only beginning to row four years ago helps me realise that my recovery is not out of reach. I can manage such a feat, it is within my grasp. I have the tools, the coaches, the information to hand, I just have to be strong in my heart, be determined and dedicated and the result will appear in good time.
Going for Gold! (to those who know, I keep thinking of the quiz show song! with Henry Kelly)
Jessica Ennis
Greg Rutherford
Super Saturday it was. Disregarding the other medals for the moment I have always been a massive fan of Athletics. I remember watching Daley Thompson, Seb Coe, Steve Ovett, Steve Cram, Fatima Whitbread, Carl Lewis, Colin Jackson, and on, and on, and on through the years.
Last night I shared it with a friend on the phone. We watched Jess finish the heptathlon- I had seen all of her events over the last two days and my Saturday evening was planned with the culmination of that at Mo Farah's 10,000 metres. Considering I find 100 metres quite an effort at the moment I had quite a salute for him.
I loved the sound of the crowd and singing the National Anthem for Jess was amazing. I didn't sing, I just wanted to listen. Never heard anything like it. The sound was obviously contained much more in the stadium than it had been in The Mall at the Jubilee concert, so it was so uplifting.
In the rowing I think Helen glover's story hits me the strongest. Becoming an Olympic champion after only beginning to row four years ago helps me realise that my recovery is not out of reach. I can manage such a feat, it is within my grasp. I have the tools, the coaches, the information to hand, I just have to be strong in my heart, be determined and dedicated and the result will appear in good time.
Going for Gold! (to those who know, I keep thinking of the quiz show song! with Henry Kelly)
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Treating Me
How do I treat myself to keep my spirits up?
I would usually have spent a lazy afternoon in the garden, cutting the grass or weeding- it is amazing what such a sense of achievement will do for the spirits.
Also a long countryside walk, with not a care in the world.
Spending a couple of hours tidying inside, or clearing out the shed. All this feels good and though it might exert a lot of energy, brings clean spirits and a smile to the face.
Three hours in the kitchen, creating a feast from the simplest ingredients.
None of this is accessible to me currently; wasn't really in the previous years, just when I had a slightly richer energy pot which I could delve into (only to crash a few days later!)
Now my treats are more monetary based.
Good food comes in the form of expensive ice cream, with cream and milk as the first ingredients on the information label rather than water and sugar! Dark chocolate, a cube at a time, sugar-free frozen yoghurt. Also in-season vegetables with a fish pie or roasted chicken cooked by a friend, or at the local restaurant.
When we go out for a few items of food which weren't available in the supermarket delivery options (or were substituted or "not available") we usually extend the trip with a cuppa in one of many coffee shops.
I also spend time in clothes shops. Once every few months I need clothes and once every few months I fancy a clothes treat, so essentials are bought with time and stress-free managed shopping. I look online at a few shops' collections and know where I have to be left. The other half disappears for a while and I enjoy the process.
Treats are necessary for everyone. A hug, an I love you, a surprise parcel in the post and embracing-self gestures are just as important. We are just as important, whether it's a bar of chocolate for 99p, a new tea mug for £3.50 or a new, cosy, every day, cardigan for £45.
I would usually have spent a lazy afternoon in the garden, cutting the grass or weeding- it is amazing what such a sense of achievement will do for the spirits.
Also a long countryside walk, with not a care in the world.
Spending a couple of hours tidying inside, or clearing out the shed. All this feels good and though it might exert a lot of energy, brings clean spirits and a smile to the face.
Three hours in the kitchen, creating a feast from the simplest ingredients.
None of this is accessible to me currently; wasn't really in the previous years, just when I had a slightly richer energy pot which I could delve into (only to crash a few days later!)
Now my treats are more monetary based.
Good food comes in the form of expensive ice cream, with cream and milk as the first ingredients on the information label rather than water and sugar! Dark chocolate, a cube at a time, sugar-free frozen yoghurt. Also in-season vegetables with a fish pie or roasted chicken cooked by a friend, or at the local restaurant.
When we go out for a few items of food which weren't available in the supermarket delivery options (or were substituted or "not available") we usually extend the trip with a cuppa in one of many coffee shops.
I also spend time in clothes shops. Once every few months I need clothes and once every few months I fancy a clothes treat, so essentials are bought with time and stress-free managed shopping. I look online at a few shops' collections and know where I have to be left. The other half disappears for a while and I enjoy the process.
Treats are necessary for everyone. A hug, an I love you, a surprise parcel in the post and embracing-self gestures are just as important. We are just as important, whether it's a bar of chocolate for 99p, a new tea mug for £3.50 or a new, cosy, every day, cardigan for £45.
Friday, 3 August 2012
Freedom
"Freedom is instantaneous the moment we accept things as they are"
Karen Maezon Miller
For a long time my life was filled with the opinions of others, I was surrounded by pity, compassion, by mistrust and disbelief. Did people respect me? Was I a valid human, just lying here some days and doing nothing for myself? Was I right to act this way? If I followed some suggestions, just getting out of bed would mean I could climb a mountain. Others thought I was capable of almost nothing.
I've spent a long time discovering the truth. Accepting my truth and realising an acceptance is difficult, but in some ways it is the doorway to freedom, the doorway to recovery.
Acceptance is a struggle everyday, but when I find it, I encounter self-belief, confidence and a trust in the path I have chosen. I find freedom.
Karen Maezon Miller
For a long time my life was filled with the opinions of others, I was surrounded by pity, compassion, by mistrust and disbelief. Did people respect me? Was I a valid human, just lying here some days and doing nothing for myself? Was I right to act this way? If I followed some suggestions, just getting out of bed would mean I could climb a mountain. Others thought I was capable of almost nothing.
I've spent a long time discovering the truth. Accepting my truth and realising an acceptance is difficult, but in some ways it is the doorway to freedom, the doorway to recovery.
Acceptance is a struggle everyday, but when I find it, I encounter self-belief, confidence and a trust in the path I have chosen. I find freedom.
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Audiobooks and Tranquility
My audio book collection
Has gone beyond belief. And I love it. I have just finished listening to The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, which I discovered on the Librivox website, (link)
A friend and I have been meeting up on the phone three or four evenings a week and listening to the chapters together. Brilliant. And neither of us has wanted the book to end. Next on the list is another Frances Hodgson Burnett book; A Little Princess.
Alone I am listening to two books, What Katy Did, by Susan Coolidge(link), a childhood favourite, and a real tear jerker, so much so, I'm not sure it's particularly good for me!
The second is The Help, by Kathryn Stockett, which was quite expensive to buy, but 18 hours of unabridged tale, by Oscar winning actors, must be worth it?
I am lapping this all up and it is a good reason to switch off the television with so much of it concentrated on the Olympics at the moment. I am in a different world and tidying the house at the same time.
Did I tell about this?
Tranquility
I am clearing out one of our rooms, previously more of a store room than a spare bedroom, it holds bulk buys of food!, all my wool and knitting, fabric, sewing machine, DIY tool box, gift wrap...you know the sort of thing! Well the household accounts which had made camp in there have also been partially sorted along with my wool and all of my husband's vinyl collection and a lot of bits and pieces which really need to have destiny's hand take the decision as to their future at a car boot sale!
The consequence of tidying this room is for me to have a yoga and meditation retreat room when I want it. I currently spend yoga time in the living room, which also contains the TV, radio, dining table, our only sofa etc.etc. so me getting some peace and quiet in an evening when my husband wants a comfortable place to read, play with his numerous radios (I call them gadgets!) is understood and accepted as necessary but not really convenient. By having a separate space for this the ambience of our evenings will be much smoother.
By doing this I am putting myself first and giving my husband a lot at the same time. During the summer (relying on the weather!) I escape into the world of the garden and have done yoga videos, thanks to the iPad, on the lawn. I know it won't be long before I want to escape the hustle and bustle of the ringing phone, the front door and general gadget-filled eye candy and the weather and seasons won't be on my side. So the room I am aiming for will give me some tranquility in a busy and sometimes sound-filled house.
Has gone beyond belief. And I love it. I have just finished listening to The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, which I discovered on the Librivox website, (link)
A friend and I have been meeting up on the phone three or four evenings a week and listening to the chapters together. Brilliant. And neither of us has wanted the book to end. Next on the list is another Frances Hodgson Burnett book; A Little Princess.
Alone I am listening to two books, What Katy Did, by Susan Coolidge(link), a childhood favourite, and a real tear jerker, so much so, I'm not sure it's particularly good for me!
The second is The Help, by Kathryn Stockett, which was quite expensive to buy, but 18 hours of unabridged tale, by Oscar winning actors, must be worth it?
I am lapping this all up and it is a good reason to switch off the television with so much of it concentrated on the Olympics at the moment. I am in a different world and tidying the house at the same time.
Did I tell about this?
Tranquility
I am clearing out one of our rooms, previously more of a store room than a spare bedroom, it holds bulk buys of food!, all my wool and knitting, fabric, sewing machine, DIY tool box, gift wrap...you know the sort of thing! Well the household accounts which had made camp in there have also been partially sorted along with my wool and all of my husband's vinyl collection and a lot of bits and pieces which really need to have destiny's hand take the decision as to their future at a car boot sale!
The consequence of tidying this room is for me to have a yoga and meditation retreat room when I want it. I currently spend yoga time in the living room, which also contains the TV, radio, dining table, our only sofa etc.etc. so me getting some peace and quiet in an evening when my husband wants a comfortable place to read, play with his numerous radios (I call them gadgets!) is understood and accepted as necessary but not really convenient. By having a separate space for this the ambience of our evenings will be much smoother.
By doing this I am putting myself first and giving my husband a lot at the same time. During the summer (relying on the weather!) I escape into the world of the garden and have done yoga videos, thanks to the iPad, on the lawn. I know it won't be long before I want to escape the hustle and bustle of the ringing phone, the front door and general gadget-filled eye candy and the weather and seasons won't be on my side. So the room I am aiming for will give me some tranquility in a busy and sometimes sound-filled house.
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
One of Those Days
I am sorry to appear so depressing from just the title but it is one of those days. it's not a jumping for joy day, just a muddle through kind of day. What Ineed is something to lift me, to give me support and motivation, where do I turn on a day like this?
I turn to my blog!
I went through a few posts for some inspiration and what did I find?
Amazing Results -link-
I must choose little things that have happened today to give me an amazing day. My neighbour has moved. not good, but I will always have her, just up the road and I will also have a new family to connect with.
i have got dressed.
i have found the strength to release some tension in a short walk and a little yoga, including a really good grounding meditation.
i have had a good laugh as I explained to a friend over the phone how many things I could think of that were black and white, and red all over. the last one being a polar bear wearing a black top hat and dinner jacket, with chicken pox!
(Give yourself a laugh every day, I try to do it as a must every day, it is a great release and proof that you're still in touch with the real world.)
i have sent a birthday present off in such good time that it can go Royal Mail Second class. I will have no need to panic about it's arrival!
i have been able to watch my tension, watch my anxiety, that has built up from the last few days, as a casual observer. I know what it is when my neck and throat feels sore and tense and can observe it without worrying, just knowing that it is tension that will dissipate as the reasons calm and filter away over the next few days.
i have quite a few i haves to be grateful for and will focus on them to keep me going, with no need to even contemplate what have nots may be lurking underneath. I see what I am able to do in comparison to last year. I see how then I had to focus on what may be, and believe in what I hadn't seen, now I can focus on improving even more than I have done and improve to points which I still am reaching for without knowing. These goals can be reached and these i haves will encourage me even more.
I turn to my blog!
I went through a few posts for some inspiration and what did I find?
Amazing Results -link-
I must choose little things that have happened today to give me an amazing day. My neighbour has moved. not good, but I will always have her, just up the road and I will also have a new family to connect with.
i have got dressed.
i have found the strength to release some tension in a short walk and a little yoga, including a really good grounding meditation.
i have had a good laugh as I explained to a friend over the phone how many things I could think of that were black and white, and red all over. the last one being a polar bear wearing a black top hat and dinner jacket, with chicken pox!
(Give yourself a laugh every day, I try to do it as a must every day, it is a great release and proof that you're still in touch with the real world.)
i have sent a birthday present off in such good time that it can go Royal Mail Second class. I will have no need to panic about it's arrival!
i have been able to watch my tension, watch my anxiety, that has built up from the last few days, as a casual observer. I know what it is when my neck and throat feels sore and tense and can observe it without worrying, just knowing that it is tension that will dissipate as the reasons calm and filter away over the next few days.
i have quite a few i haves to be grateful for and will focus on them to keep me going, with no need to even contemplate what have nots may be lurking underneath. I see what I am able to do in comparison to last year. I see how then I had to focus on what may be, and believe in what I hadn't seen, now I can focus on improving even more than I have done and improve to points which I still am reaching for without knowing. These goals can be reached and these i haves will encourage me even more.
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